Fuchui
by Massao-na-Mizu
Summary: [AU]SessKagNar... Sometimes it's hard to know what happens next after the fight for love, after all the encounters you've been through to be witht he one you love... but... Pain dulls love... what if Sesshoumaru already HAS Kagome and then loses her when
1. Default Chapter

Fuchui

Careless/Carelessness or to be careless

Massao na Mizu

I don't own anything

Review

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_"When you do something bad,_

_The karma will make it ten folds when it hits you."- I don't know where I got it. I just thought of it, I guess. _

Prologue- Falling in love; falling out of love

She was nineteen back then, naïve and not much of the person she was now. As they say, somethings never change; but somethings do change. 

And so, she met Sesshoumaru, the love of her life. Or supposed to be. He was two years older than her and they had a good term relationship when they were in college, marrying after a year from Graduation. 

Being a CEO's son, Sesshoumaru continued his family's business while Kagome cared for the house and such.

So this is a story of what I think would happen, if Kagome would fall out of love from Sesshoumaru and loves Naraku…

She smiled at the sleeping figure beside her, covered in a layer of blanket. Kissing the forehead of the man, she cuddled nearer and he opened his arm to let her in his small bundle. 

"What time will you be home?" She asked him in a soft voice and for a moment, he did not answer; his eyes were still closed.  She caressed his cheek and kissed it softly. 

"What time?" she asked again. He fumbled, pulling her tighter to him. 

"I'm not sure, but you don't have to wait." he said in a sleepy voice.  She accepted his answer and went back to sleep, only to be awakened an hour later. 

She kissed him in the cheek and bid him goodbye. He did the same and walked out of the house, driving off his car. She smiled as she watched him drove off. She'll be happy here. Glad to be with him.

That night, she had slept late, trying to wait for him. But sadly, he didn't come home until three in the morning.

Months passed and a visit in her doctor informed her she was carrying a child. She had immediately informed him that she was due in eight months. 

"That's nice." He had said in a gentle voice. "Now we'll have a bundle of joy. And someone's gonna be with you."

She nodded her head and smiled, twirling the wire of the phone in her finger. "So… what time will you be home?"  She asked carefully. 

She was answered by silence and so she patiently waited for his answer. 

"To tell you the truth, my secretary set me up in a meeting tomorrow with my fellow CEO." He said shortly. She bit her lips before asking again.

"Oh. So what time will you be home?" She asked again. 

"The CEO lives in China." He pointed out in an amused voice. 

Kagome was crestfallen. "Oh. Well then, happy trip." She said as cheerfully as she can muster and hung up. She looked very disappointed as she gazed out her window. _How long hasn't she seen her husband? Three months? And he sounded as if he was relieved that he always had an excuse to get away from her._

She shook her head. "What am I saying? He's just busy." She reasoned to herself. "He just doesn't have time. But I'm sure if he had, he'll come to me." With that thought, she plastered a cheery smile on her face and headed downstairs. 

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Sesshoumaru looked out his first class' plane's window. How long had it been since he last saw his wife? Three months. And she was now pregnant with their child. He felt guilty for not seeing her. And now that she was pregnant. 

He wanted to tell her how sorry he was for not being there for her.  _'But she understands… she knows I need to work hard for us.' _His reassured himself. Kagome had understood ever since he'd met her. She understood that he had a cold exterior for a reason. She understood when he couldn't be there when she needed him in sometimes, but not much. That was only one factor why he loved her so much. And he couldn't afford to lose her…

_So why was he not doing anything to keep her now?_

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Eight months passed and it was time to give birth to her first child that turned out to be a girl. (You guessed it.) She had readied a name for her: Rin. She would love her child very much. As much as her mother love her from the past and in the present. 

In fact, her mother was right beside her, clutching her hand tightly as she tried to breathe. "Se-Sesshoumaru… where is he?" She asked in a pained voice. Her mother's worried frown deepened. She didn't want to be the one to tell her…

"He-he couldn't make it." She said quietly. Kagome turned her head the other way. She was disappointed… and hurt… Tears flowed down her beautiful cerulean eyes. 

_He's not going to come… not going to support her in this difficult time… doesn't even care that it's part of him inside her now… _

And so, she gave birth to Rin. A healthy baby. Sesshoumaru didn't even visit her when she was in the hospital. Didn't even come to take a peak nor call her. Ask her about the baby or any crap. He was just not there… 

_'As if he ever was… when I really needed him.'_ She thought bitterly. 

It was four months when Sesshoumaru came home from his trips and visited her. All her bitter thoughts flew out the window as she embraced him, showing him their little bundle of joy. He had kissed Rin in the forehead. He even stayed for two days before leaving again. Of course he, leaving again upset her. But what can she do? She understood that being a CEO is a very important job. You just can't have a timeout from it. 

Eight months later…

He missed Rin's birthday. And the sad part was, it was also their anniversary. Kagome had called him on the phone. When he answered, she began to speak, cutting him off. "Don't you realize it's your Daughter's birthday? And if you have forgotten, it's our anniversary! How could you?" She almost shouted at him in a hurt voice. 

"Don't you understand that I have a lot on my hands?" He shot back. She rolled her eyes; tears were again blurring her vision.

"Well, I'm not sure anymore. Since your family is not what really matters to you. You know, forget it. You just can't be a father or a husband." She clicked off.  She had cried that day, sulking at her room. 

Sesshoumaru would try and call her and she would not answer. She needed him… but she wanted him to come in person… sometimes you just really need to see the person you love in person. It's not really enough he calls you and he seldom does that.

So seldom it feels as if she's only his one-night stand. Like he'll only be there when he feels like it. 

It had taken months for her to answer the phone and forgave him half-heartedly. You know what they say that it's hard to forgive; and yet it's harder to forget? It's true on her case. 

When he returned home, he visited his daughter first and saw that she was playing with Kagome. Kagome seemed to be nineteen year-old again when she was playing with their daughter and she had smiled when she saw him on the doorway, running into his arms, unlike what a twenty-four year old woman would really do. 

He kissed her and promised to stay home for a month. Unfortunately, in CEO terms, it meant going home at three o'clock in the morning and spending only seven hours a day in the house. Even though Kagome was a bit hurt, she at least felt better that Sesshoumaru comes home. It was better than nothing. 

It was yet another birthday and anniversary of theirs… Sesshoumaru was not present and she was not very affected of this fact. After all, how could she if he's not really there? Sometimes, she even forgets what he looks like. And ever since Rin had started to speak, she would say 'papa' and point at his picture. It was painful to see her child doing that. 

Especially when she knew that she would never be really close with her father. Kagome herself did not remember what her father was like for he had died even before she had been old enough to think like she does today. She didn't want that to happen to her child. 

But she isn't the one to create her child's destiny. 

In fact, sometimes she doubt if she even loves him any more. Thinking if it was only infatuation that brought them together because she had lost her reason why she had married him in the first place. 

And so, it was like a daily routine now. When Sesshoumaru _does _go home, she would not be home or she would sleep with Rin.  

She avoided him as much as possible. What was the point? She was always the one trying to make a happy home. She was always the one making an effort not to leave him. And she promised herself: one more chance and if he blows it, she's leaving him for good. 

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_Some body told me you were leavin,_

_I didn't know…_

_Somebody told me you're unhappy_

_But it doesn't show…_

_Somebody told me that you don't want me no more_

_So you're walkin' out the door…_

He had lost. He didn't come and she had waited for him. Didn't even bake a cake for she knew he didn't eat cakes and rin doesn't eat them too. So she joined the club. 

Actually, it didn't feel bad that she knew she was going to leave… filing a divorce and getting Rin. In fact, she felt relieved because she won't be tied up again with her 'imaginary husband.' Heck, an inflatable husband was better than hers. 

When he arrived a week later, she didn't even welcome him. She was on the phone and talking with Sango. She didn't even pay him attention when he was directly in front of her. 

"Oh, you're leaving? Well, I'll see you when you get back, okay? When are you going back? This weekend? Okay, bye!" She said cheerfully and walking away to Rin's room. Sesshoumaru was left there, his jaw dropped. 

He caught up with her with his long strides and grabbed her arm. She grimaced and yanked her arm off. "Don't touch me." she hissed at him, glaring daggers. 

His eyebrows rose. It stabbed him like knives when she said that. "And what exactly did I do this time?" he asked her in a pissed voice.

Kagome mocked a thoughtful look. "Oh I don't know… did you know it was Rin's birthday last week? Of course not! Did you know it was our anniversary? Or did I expect too much?" She almost yelled at him angrily and then she smiled at him. "Still don't have a clue? Then if you don't know, find someone else who's gonna tell you. Coz I give up." She said, her hands rising in mock surrender. 

_Nobody told me you've been cryin'_

_Every night…_

_Nobody told me you've been dyin_

_But didn't want to fight…_

_Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me_

_So I'm settin you free…_

Sesshoumaru was confused… give up? "And what exactly do you give up on?" He asked her curtly. She rolled her eyes. 

"For someone's who's smart, you're acting like a total dumbo." She told him in an icy voice as she could muster. She was pouring her heart out. Her scarred heart. 

"I'm giving up on you. Being your wife and such. I'm filing a divorce and I'm taking Rin with me. You can't raise your child by yourself anyway. I don't want to see her growing up only with her maids… has it ever come occur to you if she even knows you?" she asked, getting Rin and taking her stuff that she had already but in her luggage and drove off. 

He was hurt… he was surprised… and most of all, he was guilty. 

_Let me be the one to break it up_

_So you won't have to make excuses…_

_We don't need to find a setup where_

_Some one wins and someone loses…_

_We just have to say our love was true_

_But has now become a lie…_

_So I'm tellin you I love you one last time…_

_And good bye…___

Kagome hastily wiped tears away from her eyes. How many times has she cried? She had lost count from the several times of doing so. Rin was asking her where they were going and she answered her with the word, "Grandma" 

She wanted to have peace. She wanted to be away from that cursed place. She wanted herself to be freed from him. 

_Just turn around and walk away_

_You don't have to live like this…_

_If you love me still then stay_

_Don't keep me waiting for that final kiss…_

_We can work together through this test_

_Or we can work through it apart…_

_I just need to get this off my chest_

_That you will always have my heart…_

A/N: And the question you read every time you read a fic… drum roll please! (Drum roll)   So how as it? Review peeps. 


	2. Chap 1

Fuchui

Massao na Mizu 

_ Careless or to be careless; carelessness_

**A/N: **If all my other fics aren't proof enough that I ama shallow person, dominating the world of gloom and doom, then this will. Yep, it's dark chocolate: bitter sweet so enjoy. I would make some twists here and there so just wait and see. ^_^ oh yeah, some of the embarrassing stuff that might happen in later chaps are based on real life. And I'll put a bit of glossary in every chap if needed. I've used some words that are really not in English vocabulary or any language because I've made some tenses up to express my the scenes in my fic.  

**Important note: **_(Or at least I think it is…) the notes in the parenthesis are not my notes but the afterthoughts of the person I'm trying portray. ^_^_

**To the reviewers: **

Profiler 120- It was a song written and composed by Jimmy Bondoc. He's a hit in my country and I thought that it fitted well. Yeah, that was what I was thinking when I saw your fic. ^_^ that was why I was very surprised because I was editing it while reading your fic. ^_^ Ya know what they say, great minds think the same! j/k  I've also thought that it was like So Utterly Confused because Sesshie's her teach. ^_^

Ferai- ^_^ it does? I'll try it then… but I'll settle first with Let Me Be The One since it was the song that inspired me.

Soudesuka-Shurikens- I hope I spelled it right. ^_^ exactly what I was planning.  To make it true to life without erasing the anime (ic) edge. ^_^

Miserymistmenthe- if you analyze it, Kagome had given him THREE chances. I'm not a person that doesn't give a second chance to people, but if they've had three, that's far too many. And this isn't like a thing you did on school that can be forgiven easily. No, it's not. It might or might not be a Sess/Kag. It depends on the flow of the story. And you don't just like get a divorce if your guy cheats on you. I could give you a list, but I don't have the time. And personally, I don't like her to become some addict to Sesshoumaru. And being a person that he is, I don't think they would have done many mushy stuff in college either. And if she'd think of that with Naraku, wouldn't SHE be the cheater? Think about it. And I'm also a firm believer of second chances. But I do know when no to believe in three. But I know it's hard to understand it… It'll be clearer here. ^_^ so please read it more to understand.

Kitsune Princess- thanks! And I promise that it won't be over mushy (I'm not really a mushy person). ^_^ I really appreciate your review. You have no idea how this means so much to me! ^_^ I pray that you may live a long life and get many reviews in every fic you write. ^_^ Unlike mine. 

Well, thanks a lot for the reviews and keep em' comin! ^_^ I actually get inspired by them and the more the faster I update! And peeps, I might put a song in every chap just so you have a clue of what song I had been inspired and hopefully, you might get ideas out there and update your wonderful fics! ^_^ *Gasp* Beware for there are attacks of cliché in there! Clichés that really happen in real life so I think it's reasonable if I put some here. All for a good purpose so please let's avoid flames! 

**_Chapter 1- Over and Done_**

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****_                                                               "When you feel like you're the biggest jerk on the planet,_

_                                                                                                 And you feel so sorry for you wrong doing,_

_                                                                                                  That's the only time I'll forgive you." Massao_

Two months. Two long months without her and he's already missing her. 'Missing her?! Ha!' He snorted to himself. He had gone months for the last three years without her. Just himself in business trips such as this. Without hearing her sweet melodious voice asking where he was, if he had taken his vitamins and such… well, she used to ask and call him daily… but last year… it all fell apart…

_                                                            It's over and done, but the heartache lives on, inside… (Warning: Author being senti)_

_                                                           And who is the one you're clinging to, instead of me, tonight?_

He would call and she would seldom answer. And if she did, she would find an excuse to escape a conversation with him. It pained him every time she did that. 

But he couldn't blame her… He had not been a very supportive husband, lover or father for three years. And she had tried to forgive him for missing his own child's three years worth of birthdays and wedding anniversary. And when he wanted to call and apologize, or even send flowers or something, there would be something that needed his time. And when he was not busy at all, he was so tired that we would fall asleep. 

And now he's paying for it. 

_                                                                                               And where are you now?_

_                                                                                                 Now that I need you_

Paying for it by losing the love of his life (oh, the pain of being cliché, but it's true…) and his only offspring (is that only used for animals? ::shrugs::). And the most ironic part is he was only sitting there, unable to do anything. His stupid pride was always on his way and his conscience was on his case. How can life be so hard?

How can it be that when he was starting to open his heart… he had to close it back again and shut everyone off? It was so unjust for he to suffer like this. 

Two months… for all he knew she had been planning this ever since she last got angry with him and grew tired of him… that she might replaced him with another man…

_                                                                                           And who is the one you're clinging to?_

_                                                                                                       Instead of me tonight_

No… Kagome would not do that… she was most unlikely for even if she didn't love a person like that, she was always faithful person in every way. A friendly one or not. She would never betray anyone. His guilt was eating him up that he couldn't _feel straight…_ It was not her whom he has been accusing… he was the one more likely to cheat than her… how could he think of such condemning thoughts? 

He, the person she served faithfully and did not lose hope on even if it was so difficult to do so in a situation. She that would not need explaining to forgive… 

**Flashback**

She had caught him… Kissing a woman that had a crush on him in a classroom…

[Put intricate swirly designs here…. ~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`not like this…]

"Why can't you love me?!" The woman almost yelled at him, but he stayed silent…  

She looked at him with tearful eyes. "I-I tried so hard to make you notice… just a simple tiny look and I'll be satisfied." She whimpered and reluctantly, he patted her back and stroked it like he did when Kagome was upset. 

When unbeknownst to Sesshoumaru, Kagome was the doorframe, staring at them with a horror-struck expression on her beautiful face. But the woman had seen it… she suddenly pulled Sesshoumaru to her and kissed him. He was taken aback and could not react right away and his eyes widened he tried to explain but she had bolted out. 

                                                                 _                       Ikutsu namida of nagashitara _

_                                                                                       Every heart_

_                                                                                      Sunao ni nareru darou_

_                                                                                     Dare ni omoi tsutaetara_

_                                                                                    Every heart_

_                                                                                   Kokoro mita sareru no darou_

_                                                                                   If there were many tears falling down,_

_                                                                                  Every heart would become gentle_

_                                                                                  If everybody expresses what they think_

_                                                                                 Every heart can be satisfied_

She would not even talk to him. 

When he had an opportunity, he seized Kagome whom immediately demanded freedom from his grasp. She was furious when he locked the classroom door and kissed her, taking her off guard. 

She yielded to his kiss… she knew she would surrender because she had told him he had a good chance to win if there ever was a kissing Olympics. Her arms encircled his neck limply pulling him closer. When he broke it off, he looked directly at her cerulean blue eyes and said, "Will you now stay quiet?"

"I don't know. If I did, would you kiss me again?" She said ever so seriously that he couldn't help it. He burst into laughter at her expense and couldn't stop until she cupped his chin and looked deeply into his eyes saying the unspoken words: Listen and Understand. 

"I don't need an explanation… all I want is an apology…" She said so softly that his heart tugged at him guiltily and if he weren't who he was, he would have cried from the kept guilt and sorrow from thinking she'll never forgive him. 

He embraced her to him… envelope her in his slender arms and kissed her ear before saying softly, "I'm sorry."

It was the first time he had ever apologized for seventeen long years. And it felt good. It felt good to be free from the remorse that was eating him up. 

With Kagome, everything was in place. Everything that seemed so out of order worked out. 

It was her. He realized to himself. It was her that does that. 

And now, he had lost her. If only he knew how to get her back again…

                                             _                                      Meguru megure toki no nakade_

_                                                                                  Boku tachi wa ai no sagashitiru_

_                                                                                 Tsuyoku tsuyoku naritai kara_

_                                                                                Kyou mo takaisora miageteiru… _

_                                                                                In endlessly repeating time,_

_                                                                               We were searching for love_

_                                                                              Because we wanted to become stronger_

_                                                                             We look up to the faraway sky_

[It's better if you listen to In This Side by I forgot who but still. ^_^ _take her or leave her and she'll still be the same… I think that's how it goes. But in the mean time, I'll go with every heart by Boa. If you listen to her voice, it's a very sad song that matches this one… ]_

**End of flashback**

But this… this was not a simple problem to be solved by one simple apology. This was much deeper. And besides, he knew that even if he promised to always be there, he couldn't keep it. And Sesshoumaru does not give his word if he couldn't keep it. 

"For an ass, you are such an ass." Said a rude voice that snapped him out of his thoughts. He glared at his glaring brother; miniature suns burned each other. 

"For a mutt, you talk too much." He said coldly and Inu Yasha only smirked. 

"Well I'm not the one with a wife wanting separation with." He said smugly. But his face turned serious at his next words. "You know, if you only paid more attention to her, you could've kept her. She's been telling me, ya know. And none of her stories were happy. She had told me she'll give you one more chance when Sango had said to file a divorce a year ago. She said she loves you and would not settle this without giving you another shot. But guess what? You missed three shots already." He said seriously, sadness dripped from every word meant to slash his half-brother's heart. 

Sesshoumaru did not speak. He couldn't speak. 

He did not know if he had a defense there. Besides, he was no claimed debater. Inu Yasha was waiting for his answer and when it did not come, he shrugged and walked away.

"Jerk" he said like an after thought to his half-brother.  

Sesshoumaru was thinking again… It was his fault… his fault that everything is happening like this… and it's up to him if he would change it or let his world fall apart.

[Put intricate, swirly designs here… ~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`]

Large golden eyes stared up at her and she blinked, smiling at her daughter. "What is it, Rin?" she asked her daughter fondly. 

Rin pointed to the picture of her father's mansion which she kept on her little frame. "When is Rin and mommy going to come home?" She asked, her gold eyes inherited from her father widening even more if it was ever possible. 

Kagome forced herself to keep smiling at her little daughter. She was not angry at Sesshoumaru. She just... because… falling out of love from him did not feel anything. It was just what it is. She used to look at him with such love because it was what she felt. But now… her look was… empty… blank… she did not feel anything for him even if he was the father of their child. She didn't know why. But shouldn't she feel at least a little upset that she would never sleep beside him again? Love ever gentle kiss from his soft lips? No, it was not just the physical pleasure… it was the emotional one that she was missing. She longed to feel that 'thing' she felt before. 

That 'thing' that made her miss him when he was away… too bad it was not to be. 

"Maybe my heart's taking a vacation." She amused herself. "Because it's simply crazy for me to feel incapable to look at him. It was as if I'm not really looking at *him*" 

"Mommy why are you talking to yourself? You haven't answered Rin's question!" asked the unanswered Rin. Kagome almost jumped at the sound of her youngster. Kami! She even forgot her child was there. 

She bent on her knees and cupped her baby's cheeks. "I don't know baby… but right now, mommy just can't live there anymore… I just can't live with daddy anymore." She whispered to her child. 

Rin looked at her, a puzzled expression settled on her young face. "Oh. Okay mommy. Rin is going to watch TV." She told her. Rin obeyed, not thinking anymore of her mother's weirdness… 

Someday… she'll know… someday, she'll understand…

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Kagome woke up, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand as she yawned. How long has it been? How long has it been when she hadn't seen him? Oh well, she could go on for weeks not seeing him. After all, he was always away when she longed for him; when she needed him. 

Yet, whenever she was confused, indifferent and empty, he would come like an unwanted visitor in his own home and thought that everything was okie dokie after he had left and returned…but it was not…

It was far from that now. SHE was far from him and he didn't even know her exact location and she felt quite relieved of that fact. She needed some space, some time to think for herself… for her daughter, Rin. However she did not long for tranquility for it was not just attainable whatever the longer (said as a person) would willingly go through just to have a piece of it… how ironic life is. 

Of course, no mother would ever want her child not to know the other half that gave birth to her. The other half that made it possible for her to live… but there are also others that think it would be absolutely suicide if they did just that… because those bitches have married men whom will hurt their own children like animals that if hungry would sacrifice their own flesh to save themselves… how utterly sordid.

But she knew that Sesshoumaru would never hurt Rin. "But that's not the point…" she whispered hoarsely to herself as she laid her arm on her forehead to block the blinding light. "The point is he could not be a husband, a father and a CEO all at the same time… or he would lose one thing or another… or both." 

She was tired of tears. She was tired for crying over something that was already done. It was like a spoiled fruit that whatever you do would not return to ripe and edible… it was like her love for Sesshoumaru exactly… it had been there, yes, like the riping of the sweet mango but died like the rottening of it after not being nourished or eaten… 

She felt bad to say the least, although it could not be helped for she had tried… she had tried for long years and months and weeks and hours to retain, to clung to the love she had felt before… gone into sweet oblivion and never to return, even if she willed it to. 

She could not just do it, she could not force herself to love when her heart was unwilling to do so… when her heart was tired due to the countless

times its lover's heart shut the door on its face… it felt real bad because it had to lower its dignity  so countless times just to retain something that was destined to be let go… and what hurts the most was the fact it was not destined to have it on the first place. 

So was she now concluding that her beloved child, Rin was a mistake due to infatuation? She did not want to accept the reality that there are many cases in this world such as that… could not face the truth that it was not the wisest decision but something breathtakingly dumb to marry off  a man you were not really destined to love at all…

Point proven that experience is a hard teacher in that matter. Although she was not to be blamed for she did not know that they were not meant to be together… for if they were then she wouldn't have tried to mask the cracks in their relationship as a family and as lovers. If she would have known… 

Too late for that now, wasn't it? And so, she has to live on and she will…. She'll survive through this like every breakup and makeup she had experienced all her life…

And she'll be the winner in the last battle….

End of Chapter.

A/N: It's quite confusing, ne? And if there are grammatical errors on Rin's speeches, it was all intentional because I'm trying to keep her child essence intact. ^_^ and sorry if that wasn't a usual conversation with a mom. I don't usually talk to my mom and if graded for M/D bonding, I'd get 12%... seriously. Well, ya know the drill, peeps! 

You see that button there?

Yes, the one on your left!!!

Don't be shy… don't hesitate…

Review!

Tell me what you think! 

Don't flame me. ^_^

And pinpoint to me grammatical errors… 

Bye bye peeps! – So getting used to that 'peeps'… I'm even calling my teachers like that… that's highly bad if you're in a Private School… especially if you've heard of the song 'angel' the peeps is indicated as a man's… 


	3. Chapter 2

**Fuchui**

_careless; to be careless; carelessness_

_Massao-na-Mizu_

"I'm pregnant, aren't I?" there was no denying the fact. Kagome didn't have to look her gynecologist in the eyes to know the answer. She had been barfing her guts out fro a while now and she felt consistently dizzy.

-

Rin had cried when she woke up from fainting and found herself on her bed, lying there while Inu Yasha shouted at the cordless phone at Sango while another hand put down a glass of water and a pill.

-

She graciously gulped down the pill and water, wiping her mouth with her handkerchief as Rin cradled her head.

-

"Mama, what's wrong?" she said with worry. She was pouting and Kagome couldn't help but kiss her cheeks. There was a warm feeling in her heart—love—for Rin's care for her health.

-

She didn't know it would affect Rin so much to her faint in their living room. Then again, she didn't stop to think if leaving Sesshoumaru and that cold manor would hurt her.

-

In fact, she thought rather guiltily, causing it to mercilessly stab her heart, she didn't think about Rin at all, it seems. She felt selfish and Kagome was thoroughly ashamed for what she had been doing.

-

Imagine, making her daughter leave the house she had forever know, where she was safe, where she ate expensive and wonderfully cooked meals.

-

Where she had a full-time maid to follow her and take care of her whenever she went, all of the things her parents could provide.

-

Except time, she thought sardonically of her going-to-be-former-husband, Sesshoumaru who in her mind never even made an effort to get to know their daughter.

-

It seemed to her that his concept of being a father is giving what Rin wanted. Of course he also gave her what she needed.

-

Rin studied in a private school and ate a lot of times a day, provided that all she ate were healthy food.

-

But then, she also needed a _father. _Not in the materialistic way that we need our father to give us money to spend shopping with friends, to buy us what we need and want, no. She needed a father who was there.

-

Who would show her love, someone that would soothe her whenever she would be afraid at night and would have nightmares and tell her that he was stronger than any monster under her bed.

-

But no, he couldn't do that. Can you honestly picture Sesshoumaru doing such a thing? Or can you much clearly picture him telling her in a monotonous voice, "Rin, it was just a dream, go to sleep." He wouldn't soothe her. Couldn't.

-

Because he barely knows his own daughter. Aside from the fact that Rin was really his daughter and her age—he might even forget that—he knew absolutely **nothing** about her.

-

She should have expected this. But, he had promised that his job would not be a hindrance in their family.

-

That he would not be like his father who married again and he never saw again until he announced that he was engaged to Kagome due to the fact that he was always working.

-

In fact, he didn't even mind the girl running around with another man until Inu Yasha sent him the pictures and divorced with the woman!

-

Kagome tapped her fingers on her doctor's table, willing the pounding headache to go away.

-

"How many months?" she asked.

-

"Five months. You'll be due on April 28," the doctor smiled kindly at her and she wished that Sango were not busily text-messaging Miroku so that she could hear this. Kagome didn't want to have to talk to her about it.

-

She would force her to tell Sesshoumaru and that might mean going back to that manor. It was really not such a big problem, if only Sesshoumaru would take care of her.

-

Maybe he would take into consideration that she married him for his love and not his money. That no, she didn't need his financial support on BOTH his children but she needed him to be emotionally here.

-

But then, isn't that WHY they were going to get divorced? Because he never complied with her wishes. In fact, she doesn't even expect him to call her just to greet her a happy birthday.

-

Even not-so-close friends remember her birthday oh, but not Sesshoumaru. She gritted her teeth, small fists clenched tightly. He was too important, too busy.

-

So, she never called him when it was his birthday. In fact, she was just waiting for the right time to spring it on him that she wanted a divorce.

-

And now, she was going to get it. She's on the verge of it and _this _happened. She loves the baby, of course she does! But she's not exactly fond of its father right now.

-

Oh, but Rin! Kagome smiled at she thought of her first-born, fondly stroking the bulge forming on her stomach. Rin would be happy to know that she will have a younger sibling. Rin would be a wonderful onee-chan.

-

Right at that moment, Sango opened the door to the doctor's office and offered her an apologetic smile.

-

"I'm sorry Kagome, Miroku was pestering me again an I told him that I was here." Kagome smiled, nodding her understanding at her best friend.

-

"It's okay, Sango, I understand," she did. Sango was set to be married in a few weeks' time now. Miroku made it a point not to be lecherous towards other women.

-

In fact, he rarely flirted with anyone. Less it was pun intended.

-

"So what's the result?" Sango asked quietly, holding her hand as she seated herself across her. Kagome smiled, looking at her doctor, pleading for her to tell Sango instead of Kagome.

-

Her friendly doctor smiled and nodded. "Mrs. Chimiesno here is five months pregnant."

-

It was an understatement to say that Sango's jaw dropped comically and looked as if she was going to faint.

-

"You are?" She said, completely baffled. She didn't know exactly what to say. Flabbergasted, she congratulated her best friend. "Co…congratulations," she offered a sympathetic smile. Knowing well that she had to convinced her friend that she would need Sesshoumaru and it would be hard for the child—and Rin—to grow without a father.

-

But then again, Kagome would argue that he hasn't been acting like a father for a long time now.

-

Then a fight would ensue and Sango just hated arguing with the younger girl because it pained her to see her pure-hearted best friend getting hurt like this.

-

But she had the best of intentions. It would be better if she stayed with him. Maybe… just maybe… she could persuade him to spend more time with Kagome. She could easily reprimand him. His job didn't matter that much if he was going to loose the only woman that had truly fallen in love with him… and probably now has fallen _out_ of love with him.

-

It was not that she was particularly fond of him, no, she wasn't. In fact, she had warned Kagome of him. He was not the best of men, she knew that. That he could be dangerous sometimes when he chose to be.

-

He was a walking refrigerator—although incredibly beautiful at that—but still so incredibly cold that even if you tried to reach out, he would just give you a frostbite.

-

And a frostbite directed to your heart is not pretty. Which is what, she thought has happened here to her friend.

-

She remembered what Kagome had told her when she questioned her why she would want to divorce him.

-

_"But I _thought_ you love him!" Sango had demanded from her._

_-_

_Kagome nodded, nodded her head and looking at her pleadingly. "I did! I really did, Sango. And I'm not quite sure if I'm over him… after all, we have a child that I love very much, but then… He causes me too much pain. I feel betrayed because I feel unimportant to him. _

_-_

_"He promised me that he would _always _be there if I needed him… but where is he now? Somewhere else! And he has yet to call!"_

_-_

_Kagome shook her head, eyes showing the anguish, the bitterness she has been carrying for so long._

_-_

_"Sango I have to do this. If not to free myself from a loveless marriage, then to make him realize his mistakes. To make him know what he has done. Pain dulls love, Sango… " Kagome offered her a bitter smile. A smile that gave a pang in her heart and resentment for her husband who has hurt her deeply, tears running down her beautiful face._

_-_

_"Pain dulls love…"_

After they left the doctor's office, Sango brought Kagome shopping. "For baby stuff," she had said. But it was only an excuse to talk to her and Kagome was fully aware of that.

-

Still, she didn't really mind. It would do good for her to listen to her best friend's advice.

-

After all, Sango has always been there, supporting her and the least she could do was to listen to what she has to say.

-

"You can't possibly think of divorcing him right now, at such a delicate time?" Sango asked, trying to sound as if she wasn't all that affected and continued to reach out for baby stuff she thought cute and handing it to Kagome.

-

Kagome sighed. "I don't know. As much as possible, I don't even WANT to think of him right now…"

-

Sango stopped, grasping Kagome's shoulders so that she would look straight into Sango's eyes and make her comprehend what she was trying to say.

-

"Sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to. And for you, what you have to do is to stop this fucking divorce and just settle it when the child is out of your womb. It would be unfair of you not to let it live without its father and to be going through this… this… _stress_ with it inside of you. What will happen to _it_? What will happen to YOU?"

-

Kagome lowered her head, biting her lip until she drew blood and had to wince at the sudden pain, the metallic taste tangy on her tongue.

-

Sango closed her eyes and massage the part of her face where her eyes and nose met sinus???.

-

"Moping won't do anything," she reprimanded her sternly. "I'm sorry to say this Kagome, but I'm losing my patience and being a lawyer, I would want to settle this as quickly as possible. As in **_now_**."

-

Kagome gave Sango her cell phone, looking away and pretending to busy herself with the grocery and going towards the aisles of nutritious food.

-

"I don't want to be the one to tell him. I don't want to hear his voice," her voice was hard, portraying the anger she still felt toward Sesshoumaru for 'abandoning' them.

-

There was no other way. Closing her eyes for a few seconds to pray for assistance, she dialed Sesshoumaru's number.

**------------------**

Kagome's number appeared on his cell phone; momentarily surprising him that she would even bother talk to him.

-

"This is Sesshoumaru," he said automatically in his monotone voice.

-

"And this is Sango," the female voice said coolly. He raised his eyebrows. So Kagome wouldn't bother call him, but perhaps her best friend she would force to. How nice.

-

"What is it?" he asked, straight to the point as usual.

-

"Kagome's pregnant," she readily challenged him.

-

He almost dropped his phone in shock, but his impassive face did not break. He felt elated! This would be a good reason to stop Kagome from divorcing him. He frowned. But how did this happen? It had been months since he was last with Kagome.

-

"How many months?" he asked.

-

"Five, she's due on April," she said. "Talk to her," her voice softening a bit then she hang up on him—something only few people dared do—Inu Yasha because he was stupid and Kagome because of her utter disappointment. And now, Sango because of her obvious loathing of him

-

Ah, yes. It _is_ his. But of course, he never expected Kagome to cheat on him. Kagome was too pure-hearted to do anything like that.

-

That was one of the reasons why he loved her. Because it was hard to find people like her in this very corrupted world.

-

Calling Jakken swiftly to tell him he would be gone for a few days, he directed his driver to the airport and started calling his sources.

-

It was time to talk.

**----------**

**Massao's Notes: **I'm really sorry it took me a very long time to make this. I had soooo many ideas to write, but then, it didn't seem write so I had to talk to my muse. And then several things have happened in my life so, sighs. I hope this chapter didn't suck too much. I'm not going to promises anything so that I won't have a chance to break them. Happy Holidays to everyone! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!


	4. Chapter 4The Broken Sonnet

**FUCHUI**

_-Careless, to be careless, the act of carelessness_

_Massao-na-Mizu_

**Disclaimer: The primary characters are in the ownership of Rumiko Takahashi, but the plot is mine**

**Very Important Notes: **they're going to discuss what they will do now that Kagome is pregnant.

May not be a very happy ending for Sesshoumaru and Kagome. Do you remember the prologue? I had indicated that Kagome will fall out of love with Sesshoumaru and will fall in love with Naraku. Hm… I have yet to really read a Nar/Kag fic that they lived happily ever after. So maybe what I'll do is she will fall in love with Sesshoumaru again. What do you think?

**OxOxOxOxO**

_And now I concede_

_On the night of this fifteenth song_

_Of melancholy, of melancholy_

_And in this next line_

_I'll say it all over again_

_That I love you, I love you._

_I don't care what they say_

_I don't care what they do_

_'Cause tonight I'll leave my fears behind_

_'Cause tonight I'll be right at your side._

_Lie down right next to me_

_Lie down right next to me_

_And I will never let go_

_Will never let go._

_The clock on the TV says 8:39 pm_

_It's the same, it's the same_

_And in this next line_

_I'll say it all over again_

_That I love you, I love you._

_I'll leave my fears behind_

_'Cause tonight I'll be right at your side._

_Lie down right next to me_

_Lie down right next to me_

_And I will never let go_

_Will never let go._

_But still I see the tears from your eyes_

_Maybe I'm just not the one for you..._

_-Broken Sonnet by Hale_

**OxOxOxOxO**

* * *

**Chapter 4** -The Broken Sonnet 

What was wrong in their relationship? He now realized that he has yet to actually prod the origin of their problem. Of why Kagome—the only woman he **has** ever loved and the mother of his child—was leaving him, turning away and breaking the holds of their matrimony like this; after only a few years of being together.

Had she forgotten everything they have been through before this? Had she forgotten their sacrifices, the times they had suffered to get all of this, certainly… surely… she has not forgotten how she pleaded with her grandfather to permit her to marry after college? Without even trying to have a life first after many years of schooling, but go directly into marriage and motherhood instead. Had she forgotten being humiliated by Sesshoumaru's wicked step mother in front of hundreds of people, only for Sesshoumaru to shield her and intervene, telling everyone that she would be his wife?

It was unquestionable that these trials have not faded her memory… right?

_I don't care what they say_

_I don't care what they do_

_'Cause tonight I'll leave my fears behind_

_'Cause tonight I'll be right at your side._

But as he walked towards her, walked towards the woman he loves with all his heart, he knew that she had set aside those years of pain, had set them aside to move on. She stood just right there, looking out of the window, where you could see a plane in the picturesque sky, fat white clouds and painted in the endless sky of blue. He remembered the times in College when she would quietly look at them and he would look at her. She would know that Sesshoumaru was looking and would give him a bright genuine smile, her beautiful cerulean eyes looking up at him saying, 'I love you…'

But those said eyes were now empty. Blank, devoid of emotion. As if totally indifferent of what was happening, as if the brightness, the happiness of the world no longer affected her. She was not a part of it; she was a bystander, a person watching a movie without really watching it, but just sitting there and waiting for it to finish… and _withering away_…

It hurt him, pained him to see her like this. Was he the cause of this? Is he truly the one to blame for Kagome's suddenly emptiness?

Yes, in the depths of his mind and heart, there was no one else to blame but entirely himself. He had hurt her too deeply that she had lost the love she once harbored only for him, lost the smile she only smiled for him… they were all lost.

As Sesshoumaru stood there, completely still as he looked at her with an expressionless face when he was truly crumbling inside, Kagome faced him, her eyes cold as blinked at him. She said nothing.

"Sesshoumaru, you're here," Sango nodded at him, for once, approvingly. He had anticipated her anger for leaving Kagome, for not even trying to resolve this and woo her best friend back. But there was not a trace of remorse. She was resigned to the fact that Sesshoumaru could no longer fight for Kagome. In her mind, she thinks that Sesshoumaru was only there due to his responsibilities and not for love… how bitterly wrong she was…

"I should leave both of you to discuss this. Kagome, why don't you lead Sesshoumaru to your dining room and offer him tea?" Sango encouraged them, grabbing her jacket and her keys then taking Rin's hand. "I'll even take Rin with me. Say bye to Mommy Rin!"

Their three-year-old daughter scurried to her mother, her hands raising as Kagome offered her a fond motherly smile and kissed her. "Bye, bye Mommy." She said and turned towards Sesshoumaru, offering him a very bright smile.

Sesshoumaru was astonished when Rin smiled. She had inherited Kagome's wavy raven hair instead of Sesshoumaru's silver hair which was peculiar because his genes were strong, which is why no matter whom any Chimiesno wed, their children would always have their trademark silver-white hair and golden eyes.

What Rin did surprised everyone.

She scurried towards him, arms raised much like when she had approached Kagome. Sesshoumaru kneeled on his right knee to accept his child's embrace, silvery wisps of hair falling to frame his face, eyes softening to accept his child. "Bye, bye Daddy," she bade him then kissed his cheek.

It surprised him that she knew him. Perhaps Kagome had pointed to their child his photos. He entertained thoughts of Kagome saying, 'That's your daddy. But you won't get to see him because he's never here.' But then, he knew better than that and knowing Kagome, she would have only spoken words of praise as not to disappoint their daughter. He embraced his child back, closing his eyes to savor the moment.

"Take care Rin," he whispered to his first born, as she smiled at him, golden eyes, which she inherited from him, sparkling. She ran towards Sango who took her hand and they waited for Sango to close the door before Kagome moved and led him to the dining room.

The dining room of Kagome was nothing compared to the dining room in their mansion. It was round and small, and obviously only for 4 at the maximum, when she would have easily seated 20 in Chimiesno dining room.

When Kagome put the tea in front of him, she sat parallel to him and sipped her tea, long lashes fluttering as she lowered her eyes to look as she brought the cup to her lips.

"What would you want to do, Kagome?" he asked her as she put the cup down, his tone very business like, as if he was settling deal with his competitors. She momentarily winced at this but decided to ignore his tone instead.

She seemed to take this into consideration. "Raise the child of course," she told him, matter-of-factly. He nodded, _of course._

"But how?"

She paused for a while before answering, sighing as she did so. "I must be honest to you, Sesshoumaru. I don't want to go back… to the life I led as you wife. I felt encaged, I felt… I felt as if I was slowly withering away." she was looking at him as she said this, her hands moving as she spoke, as if having a language of their own, translating her words. She put her hands down now and rested them on her lap; head lowered as if waiting for him to give his judgment and be off with her head.

Instead, he asked her softly, a tone she remembered so tenderly used before. Used to tell her, to whisper in her ear a promise, a secret, 'I love you, Kagome… May you never love anyone else as you have loved me and I the same.' Now that she thought about it, it was like a curse. She hadn't been happy with him, was it a curse for her never to be happy without him, still? "You've changed Kagome… once you have been kind, you have been full of warmth… you readily forgave and loved and trusted…" he stopped, unable to continue for there was a lump in his throat.

She smiled then, but the smile held no warmth. It held bitterness, of her loneliness. It portrayed every emotion she had felt when she was inside the mansion, a caged bird with only her child to keep her strong. "Yes, once I gave love because I received love. But in this time, at that… that…" she could not bring herself to call it 'our home'. "House, I have given but received nothing. You were not there to hold me, protect me, and reassure me that I am loved… You seemed not to have cared for me at all."

His eyes widened! He—he could not believe his ears! "You're mistaken Kagome! Everything I did, I did it for you. I believed that working hard would assure your happiness, that you will be waited on hand and foot, you will never hunger, and you will be given everything you've always wanted. Our daughter would have the best of everything; she would have the best education. I believed," he looked steely at her, "I truly believed that from all the people, YOU would understand."

Kagome had raised her head quickly, but did not look at him; she refused to look him in the eyes, her own eyes having a watery texture to them made from fighting hard not to shed tears. There was a look of determination; there was a _feel_ of determination in her. She was resolved for she has already made her decision. **She would leave him.**

"Then you should have also understood," she said quietly, her voice slightly quivering as she fought hard not to sob. "That I needed nothing but you. That I would have surrendered every thing just to be with you, that I have let those years pass, waiting for your return, into my arms. But you never came," she shook her head in her conviction of what she said. "You never came."

He should have known she was expecting him. He knew that Kagome would sacrifice everything but he **didn't **want her to sacrifice _anything_. He wanted her to be happy, very happy.

"I apologize for failing you then, Kagome," he said cordially, as if Kagome was a mere acquaintance or a business dealer he had ditched a meeting with. "I apologize for wanting everything for you." He said with his voice hardening.

He should have stood then, should have made a grand walk out from this scene like a movie. And the crew with the director would be applauding for their very touching scene. But he did not. Instead, he walked to her, lowering himself to embrace her. To feel her warmth for the very last time, if she intended to separate from him. He wanted at least to remember, remember that once, he had fallen in love.

He would want to remember that once upon a time, in a prestigious university, he had met a woman that would forever change his life. A woman who has captivated his very soul and had given him the gift of love. He would want to remember the warmth of her smile, her the sparkle of her cerulean blue eyes, her sweet voice, her kindness, her caring compassion for everything and the way they had made love. But most of all, he wanted to remember her embrace.

Because in her embrace, he had found Heaven, and he knew that he was truly blessed that he didn't have to die to find it in his angel.

He would want to remember that he had fallen from the favor of God when he had let go of his hold of her and was swallowed by hell.

**_Goodbye, Kagome…Goodbye…_**

_I'll leave my fears behind_

_'Cause tonight I'll be right at your side. _

**OxOxOxOxO**

As he embraced her, Kagome could not help but cry. She could not hold back her shaking, but at she held back the sobs. She cried quietly, as he embraced her. As cliché as it sounded, she had wanted to spend forever with him.

She wanted to be 80 years old, with Rin showing her her grandchildren, smiling as she held her grandchildren in her arms and knowing they would grow into wonderful people. And then she would turn to Sesshoumaru and she would say, "_We have raised a beautiful child because we raised her with love… do you still love me?"_

And Sesshoumaru would hold her hand wrinkled hands in his, his old golden eyes boring into hers, "_No matter how old you are, how ugly you might become, I will still love you. No matter where you go, I will follow you and love you_."

"I'm sorry I destroyed our dreams," she whimpered to Sesshoumaru, holding him tighter.

"Maybe this is for the best, Kagome. Maybe we have to let go and find different paths again. Let us just say that we had fallen deeply in love once upon a time, but it was not meant to be so _you _had fallen out of it…" he comforted her, even though it stabbed her heart when he had practically said it was only her who had lost the affection, the love. "Maybe…"

She closed her eyes as she heard him swallow before he spoke.

"Maybe I'm just not the one for you…" he whispered so softly, releasing her from his tight embrace. And now, he had finally decided to leave. He left quietly, walking slowly, so painfully slow that every step he took, as part of Kagome's heart broke and withered into nothing. He paused a the door to look at her.

And for the first time ever, Kagome saw hurt in Sesshoumaru's golden eyes.

_But still I see the tears from your eyes_

_Maybe I'm just not the one for you..._

**_Goodbye, Sesshoumaru… Goodbye…_**

**End of Chapter 4**

**OxOxOxOxO**

I bolded the word has because it is in Present Perfect tense which means that Sesshoumaru is still in love with Kagome

The dialogue of Kagome and Sesshoumaru in paragraphs 26-30 was inspired by Jude Devoraux's novel, Remembrance

**Before You Flame Me Or Review Or Close This Window: **this is just a pace. A pace of their acceptance. Remember that there will be more opportunities to come because Kagome is pregnant. I sincerely hope that you take this into consideration before you flame me… and I really hope you don't but because I'm separating them, I can understand if you do.


End file.
